


I Know

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Angst, Canon, Drama, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-08-16
Updated: 2003-08-16
Packaged: 2018-12-27 12:32:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12081138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Brian confronts Justin about their relationship. Inspired by a spoiler for episode 219.





	I Know

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

"I know." The words simply hung in the air. Neither party knowing where to go from there. 

 

Justin could hear his own blood rushing through his veins and his mind began to race. He remained still with his back towards Brian. 

 

_Brian knew? God. I am not ready for this._

 

Brian watched Justin's reaction to his statement. He did not know what he was waiting for. He did not know how this scene would play out and that frightened him more than he was willing to admit. Unable to stand the silence that surrounded him, Brian began to walk towards Justin. He just wanted to touch the beautiful man. He needed Justin to respond to him...in any manner... 

 

_I need to hear it from him. I need him to tell me it's over. God. It can't be over. I don't know if I can lose Justin._

 

Justin heard Brian approaching and bit his bottom lip. The fear, the love, the sadness, the seduction, the lust, the anger, the loneliness, the shame...these and many more emotions were flooding his consciousness. 

 

_What can I say to Brian? I don't want to hurt him, but I cannot keep hurting myself._

 

As Brian extended his hand toward Justin's shoulder, the young man turned around. Brian drew his hand back. Justin's pained gaze met Brian's searching eyes. With that contact...eye to eye....Brian's heart sunk. 

 

_God. How did I get here? I tried not to let him touch my heart, but he did. Deb was right. I do love him...But that look in Justin's eyes. Am I ready for this?_

 

"I know." Brian repeated his statement in his calmest voice. He again extended his right hand and this time made contact with Justin's smooth skin. He lightly brushed the hair from Justin's brow and let his fingers glide softly down Justin's cheek. Brian felt Justin tremble at his touch. Brian returned his hand to his side. 

 

Justin summoned the strength to speak in spite of the consequences. 

 

"Brian." His eyelids dropping. "I don't know how to do this." 

 

"Do what?" Brian asked. 

 

Justin raised his lids and met Brian's eyes again. "I don't know how to say the things that I need to say." He answered so softly. Taking a deep breath he continued, "I don't want to hurt you." 

 

_I want to scream DON'T HURT ME THEN but I can't._

 

Brian absorbed Justin's words. He would try to get the truth from Justin. "Tell me," he began. "Hurt comes to us all Justin. Remember what I told you. We cause our own pain. Don't try to spare me. I need you to talk to me." 

 

_How can I hurt you like this? Brian, my lover, friend, sparring partner, companion, confidant....It has been 6 months since we established our "rules". God. We have done so much together in that time. But I am not happy. I cannot keep up with you and your lifestyle. I am losing myself. I am drowning in your world. Can you throw me a life preserver? Can you give me all of you?_

 

"I broke the rules again Brian." Justin paused and held his breath. There was no reaction from Brian. He continued, "I've been seeing someone for a couple weeks. He wants me and only me." This time Justin stopped and waited for Brian to say something. 

 

Suppressing the quake in his stomach Brian responded, "We don't have locks on our doors Justin. If you want something...someone else, I am not going to stop you." 

 

_There. I said it, but God help me, I don't mean it. I can't stop him. Shit. I knew this day would come. What does a kid know about love? He's grown up a lot in this year and half. Things change. Needs change._

 

Brian's statement did not surprise Justin. "No Brian Kinney wouldn't stop me from walking." Brian flinched but hoped Justin had not noticed. 

 

Justin spoke with a weary voice, "I need more than this." He made a sweeping gesture with his right arm. "I need you and only you. No backrooms. No threesomes. No tricks. All I need is this." Justin raised his right arm again and tapped on Brian's chest above his beating heart. 

 

Brian did not respond. He let his gaze finally break from Justin and his head fell slightly. 

 

After a minute of silence, Justin let out a muffled laugh that betrayed the pain he felt from Brian's apparent rejection. "How cruel fate can be? To love a man who can never be yours alone. But you warned me and I didn't listen. 'I don't do boyfriends...lovers...'" Justin's voice trailed off. "I can still hear your words Brian. And I have finally gotten the picture." 

 

_Justin that was a lifetime ago. You are my lover. You are my boyfriend. But you always ask for too much. I don't know if I have anything more to give you._

 

"Is it over?" Brian asked.


End file.
